Just a thought

Recently after I was terribly depressed about some personal issues, I realised I didn't spring back to the happy person I was, bubbly and always looking forward to what is going on in my day.

I became really empty. Not as in the i'm deprived of something empty because I have everything I wanted. Love, friends, hobbies. But I no longer look forward to anything anymore, it feels like I've lived a thousand years and is actually sick of life.

I don't get it, I'm not depressed. In fact I feel really blessed. But the thought to end my life still lingers because I no longer feel the thrill and excitement in life anymore, like maybe I have cleared all my missions in my life already I don't know.

I know its not true but still sometimes the thought of killing myself goes so strong I have to cut myself to make myself feel alive.

What is happening. I really don't want to upset anybody.

Nowadays I feel like a spirit trapped inside this human body,

just existing

and wasting human resources that can be meant for so many people who treasure life more than mine.

Question to myself

So I'm back to this blog.
I've been thinking about going back to blogging for quite awhile,
but this time maybe I will blog about books I've read.
However, the question is
Should I start a new blog or should I revive this blog and continue its journey?
Questions Questions Questions.
Also, I do art,
Devianart: http://sweetcandy9696.deviantart.com/
Tumblr: http://insteadofassignments.tumblr.com/ (am moving away from this art blog soon)
 I don't post regularly, I usually post all my artworks all at once during the weekends.
(And only the nice ones.)

TA-TAS~

Weekly update: end of 3rd week of September

Here comes a weekly update~:

MONDAY:

Had a super long KTV session!

It was six hours long

and halfway through the fun

we actually got quite tired already 

and our singing was all

crappy and stuff LOL.

But hey now I know that SSC has 

a very affordable KTV place.

Each person was only $6!

But thats only if you come

in a big group haha.

--------------------------------------------

TUESDAY:

It was the day where all

our results will be released.

I was so nervous I

actually decided to 

stay up until 8am to see

my results. But alas, I dozed 

off around 4am.

What a noob I am.

I even dreamt about my results

lolol and when I woke up,

I just switched on my com straight away

and broke the results page

because I refreshed too much.

See how awesome I am?

Overall, it was okay and 

im hoping to achieve higher

next semester!

--------------------------------------------------------

WEDNESDAY:

Had a digital painting workshop,

I learnt a lot on

how to get inspirations 

but I don't really have the time 

to do much digital work now..

Went out with my classmates 

after that and 

shared inspirations!

That motivated to draw more!

------------------------------------------------------------

THURSDAY:

It was Mid-Autumn Festival!

I celebrated it with my classmates

and being a noob I am, 

burnt my finger with the lighter

because I didnt know

how to light candles.

AWESOME..

--------------------------------------------------------------

FRIDAY:

Hanged out with my best friends

and found out about this

Korean 'fast food' place.

Instead of serving fries,

they served ramen too!

The whole place is like fast food

restaurant-based.And the toppoki

WAS GOOOOOD!!

Went coffee bean and tea leaf

to chat and it was

a bad decision to buy

iced caramel latte.

Apparently, the whole coffee

was filled with so much milk,

my lactose sensitive stomach

couldn't handle it.

I started to feel nauseous and stuff.

I hate that feeling..

--------------------------------------------------------------------

SATURDAY:

Because I went out too much,

I slept through this day..LOL

----------------------------------------------------------------------

SUNDAY:

IT'S JEFF'S BIRTHDAY!!

And I went out with my parents.

They bought me a new

backpack which was

quite branded but they 

were having a sale

so hey its

affordable!

 

Weekly update: end of 2nd week of September

Here comes a weekly update~
This week was probably filled will lotsa lotsa yummy food.

   

And these are the ones that I remembered to take ^

So since its holidays, I hang out with my besties weekly because I MISS THEM SO MUCH ;A;

(Sorry no picture because I looked really derp.)

 -------------------------------------------------------------------------

MONDAY:

 My classmates celebrated Calvin's birthday together

 with his best friends, Vincent and Mario.

That was probably the first time

I ate Shabu shabu 

and surprisingly it tasted really nice

even though I was pretty 

skeptical about cooking meat

for a few seconds lol.

I was actually a little pissed 

while I was eating because of

something that happened 

but I shall probably let

bygones be bygones ah well.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

TUESDAY:

Tuesday was just being Tuesday

with me being "deaf" 

because of a flu that made my ears 

blocked. I couldnt really hear 

what others are talking

because they all sound so muffled.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

WEDNESDAY:

I spazzed about this korean idol 

because it is normal

for a female to do so.

I really like this guy's character

a lot because his

personality is pretty much

THE ONE IM LOOKING FOR.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

THURSDAY:

Was supposed to go KTV 

with my besties but 

the KTV place said that 

they had some electrical problem

which means no more KTV..

So we went bowling instead

and I spent my game

rolling the ball down 

the "drain".

Emily got first~

which was quite shocking haha.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

FRIDAY:

My school's results are out 

and I did quite well

(my expectations of myself = low)

Was quite happy for the rest of the day 

Whee~

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SATURDAY:

Went to my grandparents house

and played with my 

younger cousins~

I actually played lego

and they all laughed at me 

for being the biggest kid

but lego is fun yo.

And I found out one of them 

was hospitalized due to

some virus or something.

Hope he gets well soon~

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

SUNDAY:

Went to my other grandparents house

for a meal to 

celebrate mid-autumn,

Some conflict happened but 

luckily it didnt erupt into

some hardcore 

taiwan drama haha.

My family went shopping

for food which is 

always my favourite haha.

I had a feast on this day.

awww yeaaaa.

Neglected

I think my blog feels really neglected. I should probably start blogging weekly or something. 
I'm too tired to blog today haha.

Sad.

Been so long since I've felt this way. The "sad, frustrated, with a lot of pent up emotions in me" mood. I get this kind of mood when im home after a busy day and an argument has to be created at the peaceful atmosphere of the house. And the argument was about such a trivial matter. I don't get it. Just forget about it.
I hate how tough I always want to be. I want to be my own hero, thus I resist breaking down or showing my weak side to others. I never complained how painful it was to fall because I believed it was part of building me up. I trained myself so I won't fear for my safety.
As a female, having this kind of character/attitude is to a disadvantage, I don't like how males care for females because I kinda think it makes females look weak. Thus I always push them away. It's just my mentality, my opinion. Of course, sometimes I wonder whether I'm doing the right thing or will I regret it.
 However often, I stand back up and just suck it up. I have this energy bar for both work and play. Each has 100% and if I don't spend it I get really restless and it feels like I have not really used the day for a good purpose.
There goes my rant. see ya.

Disgusted

Today I sat down and reflected to myself. 
I just realised how disgusting my actions were. 
Its the actions I told myself to avoid at all cost. 
Because these are the things that cause misunderstanding
 and arguments to occur. 
Somehow it may because I had enough already and 
I just want to find places where I can just have fun 
without having to worrying about such trivial matters.
 Yes, if only everybody can get along.
I should stay away from social media,
 there's just too much going on there and
 its making me unhappy.